Fathers

Neighbors & friends gave Michael Horstkamp's dad a very nice send off yesterday. The eulogies by the visiting priest and Mike's brother brought to focus some reasons for Mike's unique stature in this wonderful community of ours. His sense of wisdom is an unknown quantity. His charm and personality are traits that are admired by men and women alike. His contributions to the neighborhood and community are genuine and without agenda. He is just an all around good person and so was his dad, according to those who spoke. His dad was one of thirteen children and he was born on Friday the 13th. No jinx here, just a great wife and great children, for whom he devoted his entire life.

Some of us were not as lucky to experience a mature relationship with our fathers. Some die early in our childhood, mine died when I was fifteen. So when someone like Mike's dad dies during his senior years, I am a touch envious and sad that I was unable to experience the ups and downs of a father and son relationship, the mentoring, the celebratory moments when one of us accomplishes something, or the consoling moments when the opposite occurs.

What is most striking is the collection of photographs of Mike's dad in live, work, and play situations. These will generate so many memories for Mike and his siblings in the years to come. Me, I only have two pictures of my father "Jim", and they were taken of him in a professional setting.

Three of my sisters were under the age of six when Jim died, and look to me for history of this man who died so young, age forty-six. Tough decisions have to be made. He was a devout Catholic and very strict " belts & brooms" father-you get the picture. The need to avoid sin, prevailed over the need for childhood mischief. There were no vacations with Jim, no hunting or fishing lessons, not a hug, high five or "good job" and most importantly, an "I love you". He did have an interest in our athletic development, swimming, football, baseball & boxing. Sometimes, we were driven to these activities by some cab driver that Jim sent. Always working was something he did and promoted us to do, splitting wood, being a paper carrier, cutting grass & an occasional cement sidewalk pouring, without rubber boots-the scars are still evident. Naturally, Jim took the proceeds of our labor. So I focus on the less somber moments in my and my elder siblings dealings with Jim, when answering the younger one's questions.

Fathers today are not so different than Mike's dad or Jim. Some live their lives for their children (Mike's dad) and some live their lives for some other purpose, children being an incidental.

So you dads out there, you only get one chance to do this "Father" thing right.For some it comes naturally, for the rest it is a constant effort. For you sons and daughters out there, whose fathers are still alive, make some memories, take some pictures, capitalize on the positive features of your dad's life, in the end , the negatives only keep you up at night.

Thanks to Mike's dad's passing, I was reminded how important fathers are in the development of our positive and less admirable qualities.

For you dad 'want to be's', the Boys & Girls Club will be opening next month. Volunteer some time, put a smile on a young one's face. Sense what it is like to be a "Father" on some level.

For you dads that have lost a son or daughter, for you sons and daughters who have lost a dad, you and they are in our thoughts & prayers.

This is your neighborhood. This is your town. This is your life.